Never manage your own crisis. My wife and I had been separated for two years when she drowned in a kayaking accident while paddling in the Intracoastal Waterway on vacation with our sons. I wrote the obituary and ferried drafts back and forth between our sons and her brothers. We were in shock, but I felt confident we had created the right epitaph for an extraordinary life. It was a meaningful, strong reflection of her values, and paid homage to her dry wit and love for her sons. Some months later, I realized I had completely failed to mention the central role dogs, particularly dachshunds, had in her life. Her grandfather had bred them. We always had two. I had missed a central part of her life story.
I missed this important detail seven years ago because I was not emotionally able to deal with all that needed to be processed in the face of this crisis, the worst tragedy my family has ever endured. This loss has made any work crisis I have ever led seem trivial in comparison. But work-related crisis response does have at least one significant parallel. Those closest to the epicenter of a crisis should never lead the response. They are there to provide data, facts, and information. In our family example, finding a skilled writer to gather and pull information from us would have been a better decision. More emotionally removed crisis leaders help to ensure clear thinking, important details are covered, and appropriate, effective responses are created. I knew this but chose to ignore my own advice. Every detail matters in a crisis and none are too small when remembering a life or resolving the crisis in front of you.
This post was edited by my extraordinary sons Will Clement and Walker Clement. We agreed this Wednesday post could be a bit longer. Their resilience and ability to deal with crisis amazes me every day. It is personal experience that forges us.